Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Weepy Wednesday

This week I feel like I have a lot to say.  I was joking around with yesterday's post title, but as I was running today...7mi on the treadmill........I had an hour to think of a few things.  Yes, even watching "Downtown Abbey" doesn't keep my brain from wandering at least a little bit.  I realized that aside from the obvious physical benefits, running has given me a much greater gift.  So, here is my letter of Thanks to Running.  Oh and the title of today's post....not just Wednesday.  Not sure what my deal is but I have been moved to tears at least once per hour for the last 3-4 days.  Whatever this is I hope it passes!

Dear Running-
I have so many things to thank you for.  The inches my body has shed  that where hanging on like they thought I might get pregnant again and need a little extra fuel.
You have also given me the ability to burn over 1,000 calories before 7am.  Can't say it doesn't suck to be able to have a cookie or four without feeling like I will be 20lbs heavier.  Although you seem to have no affect on the amount of water I retain after eating a bowl of Pho'  on a cold rainy day.  Good Lord my feet were swollen today!  I really wish you could do something about that.

More importantly it is no secret that you have given me my sense of self back.  I had lost it for quite sometime and Sarah is firmly back in my body.  I missed her and I am glad she is back.

You also helped my finally shut the door on my depression.  It may have been Post Partum induced but depression is depression and it SUCKS!  At one point I had no idea how I was going to get through the rest of my life.  It's not that my life was bad, but there was no joy even in the good things. (like my daughters first year of life)
You have given me a great gift.  I get to fall in love with my daughter every day now and I am very conscious of it.  Sure I loved her and cared for her every day of her life.  I never wanted to harm her and I always did everything I could to make her life better.  Now though I literally look at her every day in a new light.  It is like I am seeing her for the first time and she is out of control AMAZING!!  My heart swells every time she breathes.  I can be moved to tears just by getting her from her room after her nap or in the morning after a good nights sleep.  She is so polite and so adorable and so completely wonderful.  I could go on for days about all the amazing things she is...but most of you have met her and know wonderful she is.  Some of you probably even knew it before I did.  Now there is no competition...I love her more!

Running, you have also given me back the gift of trusting myself, most importantly to trust myself as a parent.  For the last three years I have continuously read parenting books and baby books and weighed the pros and cons of a multitude of parenting styles.  I read mom blogs and submersed myself in everything child related.  It most certainly helped me figure out the parent I want to be, but at the same time it also could make me feel like I wasn't doing a good enough job.  If I did one thing wrong ie. shouted at the children, I felt like I had ruined everything for them for the rest of their lives!!
I don't feel that pressure anymore.  It has become very clear to me that parenting is a lot like marathon training.  You will have some ups and downs and some injury's along the way,  but if you keep following the training plan, listen to your own gut, and take stock of how your body feels, you will finish strong.  Same thing with parenting.  If it feels right, no one is getting injured (too much) and at the end of the day they tell you "I love you mom" you know you are on the right training plan so just stick to the course.

So thank you again running.  I will forever be in your debt-but you already knew that and you will never name a price, you will just always be there for me and I will always love you for that.


1 comment:

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