Thursday, January 5, 2012

Welcome To The World Of Dating

I have recently become acutely aware of the fact that I am back in the dating scene. I thought this would all be over the day I told Mike I was not interested in dating other people, which in case you were wondering was on our second date.
Years have passed and I have now learned I am no better at the dating scene now than I was before. Sure, I never had a problem saying yes to a date. Free food! Who passes that up? I had no problem with blind dates, dates offered after sitting next to someone in a bar for a few hours, I always thought "what could hurt meeting this person in public?" and NO I never let a date pick me up or know where I lived until we were an "item".

I always felt the same way though, a little cautious not to reveal too much too quick, a little nervous, a little jittery, wondering if this will be a total waste of time (many times it was), all in all a general anxious feeling would come over me.

Fast forward to be married with children in a new land. My support system is at zero. So time to buck up sister and put yourself out there.

While I was in the throws of PPD I tried to do this  but really, I could barely brush my teeth! How could I form lasting relationships with other women?

Fast forward a little further, we are again back to the re-TREAT. I was surrounded by women for an entire weekend that really were open to meeting me! Life changing is again putting it lightly! I flexed my social skills and found out I still have a little "charm" left in me from those dating days. I put forward my best skills and have cultivated some priceless friendships. Friendships I can see sticking because of the many things we have in common as well as the things that we can bring to each other.

Now this is great and all, it was kind if like shooting fish in a barrel. You won't have to try long before you hit your target. So how would I fair in the real world? Again like dating the opposite sex it is little hit or miss. I'm down with that. I'm not for everyone and I get that.

What is more amazing to me is the fact that I am just as oblivious to the fact that I am being "hit on" as I was to a guy hitting on me. I was horrible with subtle hints unless I wanted to see it. The same has become clear to me now! Perfect example: today I took my bike in to the bike shop to get it tuned up. The poor thing has been sitting unloved for a few years now! Amazingly, I went into Kirkland Bicycle and was pleasantly surprised that two women were working and in fact one if them was the mechanic that was going to fix my ride up!! I was giddy! I have always struggled with feeling like an athletic poser and trying to talk to men in "their" world helped nothing.

So after her quick diagnosis that my bike was yes dirty but overall in good shape, we got to talking. She said it would be done by tonight most likely. I said "great but no rush. I won't be able to ride until Sunday". She then asked if I had a ride in mind. The conversation went on with me explaining that I was training for a full marathon and was planning on using the bike inside on my trainer as my cross training and then hopefully this spring or summer I could get back on the road.
Idiot!!  After I walked out, I replayed the conversation in my head (which I am ALWAYS prone to do, maybe that is why I remember everything anyone has ever said to is a sickness I tell you!!) and I realized she was hitting on me...not in the "hey baby" kind of way, but she was subtly asking if I wanted to meet up for a ride-or maybe at least she could set me in the right direction, which is still a friendly gesture.  Now I am hoping that she is there again when I pick up the bike so I can maybe cultivate another friendship.

This is one thing I have learned, I have always been good with having one or two close friends, but not as good at having acquaintances.  This is actually a goal I have set for myself.  I have given myself permission to have friends that I don't give my heart and soul to.  It is ok if some friends are just there for a quick run or a bike ride, or scrap-booking, or some other thing that I don't even know yet.  Although I know me and I know that given time I would gladly lay down my life for even those acquaintances.

So I will plod along "dating" new friends as they come.  I am getting the hang of it...but I am still not perfect by any stretch!

On a different note:  I had a GREAT run today!  I got to enjoy the sunshine and balmy temps here in WA in January. Amazing in that fact alone, but I also was on par to PR a 5k and I wasn't even racing!  Alas, the hill I have to climb back up to my house killed me though.  It was very close and in fact just shy of beating my hubs time the other day.  My first mile was even under 8:00!!

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