Doubting Thomas? How About Skeptical Sarah

I'm frustrated.
I have been for some time now.
I feel blah, my running is blah, everything is blah.
I'm irritated that my body isn't responding-but why should I be?  I'm not really doing anything to change it if I am being honest with myself.
So what am I really irritated at? Myself.  Isn't that the hardest thing to do-point the finger back at yourself and realize you are the reason everything is wrong.  I so want to blame someone or something, but I can't.
It's time to man up and admit to all the pitfalls I have fallen into. Of course it started when I got pregnant.  I am going to admit something here which embarrases my deeply-while I was pregnant with Ryan I craved and ate Mc Donald's cheeseburgers, Big Mac's and chocolate shakes like it was my job!!  If you knew me in person you would understand that equates me saying I am the Devil Incarnate.  Seriously-I detest everything fast food stands for!!!
Then Ry was born and I went back to healthy eating.  You all know the story-along came Elise three months later and pregnancy took over once again.  I was so tired all the time and to make up for my lack of energy I ate.  I basically ate anything and everything I could get my hands on!  If I could not shovel it (not sit down savor and enjoy-but straight up shovel and inhale) I did  not eat it.  So not much preparing of healthful foods.  I didn't crave the Golden Arches (thank God) but I also wasn't paying attention so I overate-All. The. Time.
What next-PPD UGH!!  Need I say more.  Dealing with depression is a whole other thing in itself.  For the first time in my life I found myself comfort eating-or to be more clear Comfort Shoveling High Cal Food.  Doughnuts, Bacon, you name it.  If it was rich and tasty I ate it.  Not that I believe those foods are bad for you by definition, they are just what I tell my kids in regards to snacks "Sometimes Foods" not everyday make you grow food.

Part of this is what lead to running the marathon-I wanted to lose the last of the weight. Yet again though I made a grave mistake.  I started to "diet" while training.  If you know anything about healthful eating, you will know this was just about the dumbest thing I could have done.  I felt all the negative affects; poor training, long recovery times, low energy, on and on. In the end I didn't lose a single pound and instead gained five more back!!

Then I went hardcore-Bob Harper "The Skinny Rules" which I think should be retitled "How To Screw Up Your Metabolism In One Month Or Less".  Seriously, I used to respect Bob, but have a hard time with someone who promotes How To Be An Anorexic.  I may be a little harsh here but after sticking with him and not only not losing weight, but after three trips to the Dr's I figured out I was just starving myself!

I've had quite a bit more success by eating more and doing Boot Camp at the YMCA etc. but the kids weren't cooperating when it was time to go to the gym, and let me tell you sometimes fighting with SUPER headstrong, SUPER spirited three and four year olds just isn't worth it.  They drained the life out of me just getting them into the car let alone getting the car seats belted.  So again I flounder.

Then I decided to try something I previously would have been totally against.  I feel like anything marketed to the masses as fitness, health, diet, etc should be considered 100% suspect and avoided at all costs.  But, I started to ask questions and opinions of those who I trust.  They all had similar impressions and advice and none of it was negative exactly.  The biggest thing I found was No One finished the entire 60 day program-BUT that is because they all were trying to keep up their running at the same time and they just plain old got exhausted.

So I'm diving in.  I am committing to the Insanity 60 Day Challenge.  I luckily got the videos from another awesome running friend and she also gave me the nutrition guide.  So far I have had the guide one day.  It suggests you eat five meals per day.  I have known for awhile that I am not eating constantly throughout the day and my blood sugar  is dropping like a bomb!  So far I have been sticking to eating 2-3 hrs with the suggested foods and I have already felt more "even"  The amount of suggested daily cal intake for me is about what I would suspect is right on target.  Not too few to keep my internal engine running.  For me that's about 1900-2100 per day.  Very realistic, not even close to starvation.  I also am going to add the Shakeology product to my diet as well.
I am also being guided through this process by the lovely Rhonda at Motivation Rhonda  who is a runner herself.  She too was a midpack runner (and diet product skeptic) who integrated Insanity into her running and also the Shakeology products.  She later went on to qualify for Boston!  I'm not saying that just because you do Insanity workouts and drink Shakeology drinks that you will BQ, but how awesome would it be if it helped get my body back to start so I could really focus on my running again and achieve the goals I have set for myself.

There is just one small problem.  I have NO problem giving up running for two months-it's just not that fulfilling right now anyhow-but I do have a bib for the Seattle Rock N Roll Half that I'm not sure what to do with.  I guess I will just play it by ear and see how it all shakes out.

One last thing, for the first time ever I have taken a "Before" picture.  It's not pretty and I am not quite ready to share it-maybe after some results?

Happy Mother's Day!

I'll be honest-my running has been...let's use my husbands term "Manic" lately.  Either I'm all in or I'm not running.  Finding balance has been super hard right now.  Coupled with my recent trips to the PT, I just have been, well-frustrated with my beloved sport.  Here's the thing, I like to run long, but I don't have time to train right.  So-I don't run much at all.

In the meantime, I have been diligently trying to support other Mother Runners (and runners in general).  I started a Mom's Run This Town Chapter for the Eastside/Kirkland, WA.  So far I haven't connected with other mothers in my neighborhood, but I have helped other mothers meet one another!  Bonus!  As a Chapter Leader, it is my job to just keep the ladies informed etc.  In general it is just a place to share running info.

One of the lovely ladies lives close-but our life schedules hadn't yet jived for a run together-posted that she had a bib for the Mother's Day Kirkland Half Marathon and was wondering if anyone wanted it.  I messaged her and  asked How Much? and She replied that it was free.  She was having some medical issues that were preventing her from running.  After a few conversations it became clear that distance running is not going to be something happening in her future-at least not easily.  I don't know all the full details of her diagnosis and I don't feel I should share what little I do know here as that is her story to tell and not mine.  I will tell you this part of our conversation though (kind of the Cliff Notes)

Me: I haven't trained at all, are you ok with someone running with your bib that may not finish fast?
Her:  I just want someone to run with it.  I have so many races I won't ever be able to run that I wanted to run-a full, more half's (etc) that I just say you do it.

That was it.  It was all the encouragement I needed.  I had been putting off my running for all kinds of reasons for far too long!  I embraced the challenge and decided I would run a half marathon for my Mother's Day gift to myself and to my lovely new running friend (or maybe walking friend)

So in the words of another mother runner "Training?  What's that?  I'm sure I can run that far right?"

I also kind of wanted to run this race for all the other lovely ladies out there who can't run for either Medical or physical reasons.  Or maybe they were just taken from this earth before they had a chance to run.
So here is my list of ladies I ran for:
mile 1: Kami
mile 2: Erin (BW)
mile 3: Erin (MRTT)
mile 4: Kristi- a mother who has passed leaving behind a son and husband
mile 5: Susan
mile 6: Elspeth
mile 7: Bonnie-was killed by a drunk driver while training for her first full marathon
mile 8: my Grandma Germaine who until recently walked a mile every day.  I fancy she could have been a runner if she wasn't so busy raising 13 kids (plus a few more that she would take in here and there)
mile 9: This one was for all the ladies in my life who are Mother's in their own way.  You don't have to birth children to be a Mother.  Women nurture in many ways.  Some are blessed with other ways of nurturing without having kids in their home day in and day out!
mile 10: Denise-a young mother who has rheumatoid arthritis who is willing to suffer the pain of running just a few miles (2-3 max) just because she loves the sport so much.  She plans on the pain-can you imagine?  I can't!
mile 11: Elisabeth-she was "almost" my sister in law and I still think of her as a sister even though our paths never cross anymore.
mile 12: Diana-My Mom.  I pray everyday her pain goes away so she could walk down the street with me.
mile 13: Gladys-My Grandma who was taken WAY too soon from this Earth.  I know in my heart how proud she would be of me.  I knew I would need her help bringing it home.
mile .1:  Well that last little bit was all for me.  I am proud of my body for putting up with my demands

Now the race right:

At 7:08 I left my house (for a 7:30 start) and walked/jogged for my warm up down to the starting line.  How perfect is that!!
I arrived just in time to line up-no time to nervous pee!!  I have to say it was kind of nice.
The field was small and I lined up very near the back-or so I thought.  My pace started off easy around 10:30-11mm nice.
Hills?  Check-right off the bat, of course, of course.  Then between mile 1 and mile 2 the race went Right.  By. My. House.  Seriously it was a close as you can get when you live on a dead end street!.  The plan was for the kids and the hubby to cheer me on right there as rain was in the forecast and believe it or not my PacNW kids don't like rain either!!  I got to the rendezvous point and wouldn't you know it-no kids or hubby in sight!  So off the course I ran scaring the life out of the volunteer-got to my front door and there was hubby frantically trying to corral a 4 &3 yo out the door (not even kind of easy-I get it!) I thought what the heck-while I'm here I'll pee, so a quick stop in the house and back out the door I went!

I ran back onto the course and was feeling pretty good about things. This continued until about mile 7.  Right abut this time you go  through an industrial area and you guessed it no spectators and lots of hills.  I changed up my music, stopped, retied my shoe, stretched and just kept running.

Somewhere around here I caught back up with people I had passed in the beginning and I was feeling pretty proud of myself around that time for passing them yet again!

I just kept slogging on-not feeling great but not feeling bad.  Around mile 9 things were getting a little harder.  On yet another hill (I overheard someone say there were 13 of them-figures) I overheard a man say to his wife "You're doing it-this is further than you have ran non-stop yet!" I had slowed to a walk to take a GU and just happened to fall behind them for a few minutes.  The wife was struggling-BAD.  The most beautiful thing though-her husband was holding her hand helping her to slowly keep momentum running up the hill.  I tried to stay behind and get their pic, but I couldn't get the phone out in time.

Here they are just after letting go of hands.

I ran by them kind of energized from that show of love-but I'll be honest, I was really struggling.

We ran through downtown and I was kind of in a zone thinking about my body and keeping everything in check.  I knew I wanted to run smart which meant I had to pay very close attention to my form and how I felt.  If I went out all crazy I knew an injury was immanent.

Just as I was about to hit mile 11 it was bad.  Not bad enough to quit-but bad.  It's hard to describe.  I knew I would finish, but still I was wondering where I was going to get the last push from.

Then my white knight in a black 4-Runner showed up with two awesome kids strapped into car seats.  Yup-hubby found me on the course.  I ran to the truck in a pile of tears.  "I needed you so bad right now and here you are" is all I could say.  I kissed my man and waved at my babes.  I started running and there was no traffic so Mike and the kids drove along side of me until almost mile 12.  That's all it took!  Game Back On!!

One mile to go and I knew Gladys was with me.  Me feet were light, my heart was overflowing with happiness.  All was perfect in my world.

Hammer down-Korn jamming in my headphones I kicked it up for the final push.  I looked at the Garmin at one point and I was running 9:30mm-and I felt GREAT!

Just as I was rounding the corner to the finish-Mike and the kids were there!!  I was so torn-I wanted to finish in under 2:30 but I wanted to hug my kids and hubby too.  Kids and hubby won, and I am ok with that.

My bib, list, Garmin, and Medal at home after the race.

PR for slowest 13.1 to date-good way of thinking!

Selfie with my Medal and my Pooh Bear checking me out!

I finished super happy with what I had accomplished and proved to myself that running doesn't have to be all or nothing and not every run needs to be a training run for some other run.

I will however say I will be running a few more miles before the Seattle Rock N Roll.  Even though I finished, this was by far the hardest 13.1 I have run to date!