Embarrassment
This revelation came to me a few days ago while I was running. Yes, I have been running. Not much and Not fast, but my feet have been moving quickly in front of one another. Here is a list of things I am most embarrassed about:
- My audacity to think running a couch to marathon program was a good idea
- The fact that I have a running blog and I haven't "really" been running
- The fact that I am horribly out of shape-yes I ran a marathon and I am still HORRIBLY out of shape
- The fact that I let myself get caught up in the "I must be a thin hot mom to fit in with everyone"-Since when in my life have I ever wanted to "Fit In?!?!"
- The fact I agreed to run with a great group of women running bloggers when I really haven't been running, or blogging!
- The fact that I took so little care of myself that I finally had to get injured to finally see that fact!
- I had to fess up to all of these facts and plenty more!
As you can see there has been a whole bunch of soul searching going on over at the Mertel homestead. Motherhood changes you and I wasn't prepared for all the mental changes that went with it. I also naively believed in the whole "oh you are fit, you will be back to your old body in NO time" RIGHT!!! You gain 50# and don't do a lick of exercise the entire time, and you really think you will just pop back into place-at age 39 no less?!?! WHAT WAS I THINKING???
Also, I have never really been wrapped up in the whole "You need to look this way or that to fit in" thing. I don't believe in a "diet", I believe in eating food. REAL food, not the processed crap that comes from a box. My mom makes fun of the fact that there is a weird vegetable served with almost every one of my meals I make (that to her means squash LOL-I love her but veggies aren't her thing)
So how did I find my self "dieting" ALL summer long? I spent more time counting calories and limiting food. I spent time reading diet books and planning meals that were unfulfilling. In fact I would often just skip eating because what I was "suppose" to eat just sounded horrible.
This then led to my whole summer feeling like a haze that flew by me. I was often disoriented and spacey, not to mention incredibly moody and frankly downright miserable to be around! I slept horrible and I was ALWAYS exhausted. In fact I went to see both my General Practitioner and my OB/GYN trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
About a month ago I ran across a Facebook page Go Kaleo on MomVS Marathon's page. Her statement was simple (and I am totally paraphrasing what my mind read) Eat when you are hungry, eat whole food, move your body every day. The rest will fall into place.
Now she said a lot more than that, but that is what my mind read because that had been my EXACT philosophy for years!!!
So right now I am focussing on repairing my relationship with my brain in regards to fitness. My marathon messed with my brain. I had to realize that not every run needed to be 5+ mi during the week and 10+mi on the weekends and all runs don't have to be faster than 9mm!
Some days I run now for 20min. I try not to notice how many miles I ran. I just try to focus on the fact that I ran them pain free and that I had energy to run them in the first place!
I've stopped weighing myself and I have started eating regularly again. I feel great! I am sleeping easily again, I am no longer cold all the time, I am still a little cranky, but come on! I have a 2.5yo and a 3.5yo! Who wouldn't be a little nuts!
I am currently working on all over body strengthening. I have never been a weight lifter or gym goer for any other reason than cardio and that is no longer acceptable. Even though I am not a fitness "beginner" I have decided to start all over from the beginning. I am following the Go Kaleo First 100 days program and so far I am on day 10-well actually day 11, but I had to do day 10 workout today. I can already feel a huge difference in my body. It is quite shocking in some ways. The biggest difference is the energy I have. On top of the prescribed workouts, I have also been taking one or both of the kids for a nightly stroll. Not fast but not slow. Just a kind of mind clearing walk to end the day (this was also a habit I followed for years that I dearly miss)
So there is your update. I am going to keep my progress up to date and let you know how it is coming along. I am half tempted to do the before and after pics, but frankly I may need a few glasses of wine to work into that idea!!
ETA:
I forgot to share this great story!
I am a believer in things happen as they should and this is a prime example.
I noticed just the other day that my scale was out of batteries, so I changed them, hopped on and was immediately disappointed.
Fast forward to yesterday. I decided to give the old scale a shot as I have been feeling less jiggly so of course that means the scale should have some good news, right?!?
Hopped on the scale and what do you know? It was out of batteries again-or was it??? Maybe this is the Universe's way of saying LAY OFF THE SCALE WOMAN!!!
I get it-I can take a hint.
Scale is in the trash
