I want to first finish up the back story. For some reason it feels important to get this all down. Maybe it's because I think my kids will have an interest in the future, or maybe it is because I need to boost my own self esteem a bit by reviewing where I have come from so I can really appreciate where I am going.
So I think I finished off with getting pregnant on my Honeymoon. We were so happy! I don't know why, but my head was stuck thinking it would take forever to get preggo...silly me!
I was still working full time in the OR and it was not easy. I felt nauseated from the minute I got pregnant until the minute I gave birth! I never really threw up that I can remember, but I felt like I had to the entire time. The only thing that sort of made me feel better was eating. So, 50lbs. later I was ready to have a baby. My beautiful baby boy Ryan joined us on March10, 2009. I worked that morning and was on my way home at about 11am when my water broke. I was 37wks by the ultrasounds, but I had been telling everyone I was at least 2wks further along than that.
By 7pm that night I had my first child. WOW is all I can say. Everyone talks about the love you feel for your baby, but honestly in my opinion, there are no words to describe how amazing it feels to have this new little life in your arms. I swear I did not set that child down for his entire first year.
The reality is I did though...at least long enough to get pregnant again when he was about 3mo! I found out I was pregnant with my beautiful Elise on July 16, 2009. Shocked is not even close to what I was feeling! It was a complete out of body experience!!! I swear I was still in shock at every Dr. appointment until I was 6mo along. I had no idea what my life could possibly be like in the future.
My sweet baby girl came to us on March 15, 2010...five days after her "Big Brother" turned 1yo. She tried coming early...I had my labor stopped twice, but in reality I am sure it was mostly due to me chasing around a very active baby. I remember contracting awful on Ryan's birthday and I had it in my head I would not go to the hospital until after midnight. There was NO way I wanted to have two babies the same age at any point during the year...that was just too much for my brain to handle!
Both the kids had reflux and I was also blessed with Elise being milk/soy protein intolerant. What does that mean??? It means I had to be on a strict diet because my sweet bean would not take a bottle and in any case, formula would have been an awful choice for her poor tummy. I finally was back on the dairy by about 11mo and she now at 18mo is off ALL reflux meds!! HOORAY!! We made it!
Along the way though, I was hit pretty hard by Post Partum Depression (PPD). The worst part is neither Mike nor I realized what was going on until I was coming out of the haze. I was quite honestly the hardest thing I have lived through. I could barely get through most days. I was lonely, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, ANGRY, and pretty much miserable for the entire first year of Elise's life. I got through it without meds, but honestly I wish I would have realized what was going on because I SO needed meds, or something. Life should never have been that hard.
And dammit I feel jipped!!!! If I sit and think about it too long or too hard, I still get angry. I basically missed out on my daughter's first year and my son's second. I couldn't be the mother I wanted to be. Everyone would tell me how great I was doing with the kids, but to me it did not feel good.
I actually tried running a few times during that period. It always ended in tears. Body parts where moving that never moved before. I could barely breathe. I had the energy of a tree sloth. I honestly don't know if it could have been worse! Needless to say, I did not make it to the gym very often!
For some reason though, I still told my husband that the only thing I wanted for my birthday was a treadmill. Now in case you don't know my husband, there is nothing in this world he would deny me I swear to God. The man is a saint for putting up with me and he still loves to give me great gifts and surprises. I am blessed, there is no doubt in my mind!
Of course, he got me what I wanted! To make sure that I was comfortable and quiet, so I could run while the kids slept, he got me the Cadillac model. A Nordictrack C1500, sure you can get fancier and pricier, but honestly much more than this and you are just being indulgent! He also got me the iFit module to go with it. This allows through the iFit server to have custom programs delivered to your machine. This is great because it will mimic hills etc and will also automatically pick up or slow down the pace...fabulous when your brain is not quite firing at 6am. Also a good thing so you don't get caught in the slump of running 3mi on a flat treadmill everyday.
And here we are inSeptember 2011. I was still kind of iffy with finding time to run and I certainly wasn't being consistant when I saw that Kingston Adventures was hosting a Women's re-TREAT that involved Running, Yoga, and Stand-up Paddle Boarding. I honestly just needed a break from my day to day. So I took a leap of faith and signed up. I. Was. Terrified!!!!! You see my friend Beth (who is my dog Klaus' new mommy-that is a whole other story) was putting this on. She is a Ultraman athlete which is even bigger and farther than an Ironman...honestly the first time I met her it was like meeting someone famous. In fact I honestly could are less if I ever met another famous person again! Those I have met are pretty boring and pompous! But this was someone who had achieved things in real life that to me were bigger than life. To say I was humbled is putting it lightly. Then when I knew my puppy, who was very active and was getting NO activity living with two babies, was going to get to run with her every day, I would have to admit I was jealous! Somedays I would have liked to run away and traded him spots!!
Somehow I was blessed with getting to know Beth more through Klaus. She graciously sent me photos and videos to help heal my broken heart. In the meantime I began to realize she was just a normal kind hearted person.
Sorry that was kind of a ramble...back to going to the retreat. I knew I would be there alone. I did not know what to expect. Where they all going to be athletes like Beth?? Would I stand out like a sore thumb as the poser who could barely run 5miles?? Would I make a fool of myself and fall in the water when we went SUPing?? Could I make it two days away from home??
We all know how that story finishes...not only did I survive, I came away with this awesome goal that I am sharing with you!
So there you have it. All caught up and now I can focus on the running.
Still wondering about my sponsor?? Well, I have already signed up for my first race and it will be this November 12 in North Bend. I will be running with a four person team in a 5K adventure race...think obstacle course... and Kingston Adventures will be our sponsor WOO HOO!! All that really means is I will be wearing a Kingston Adventures shirt while I race, but hey...you've got to start somewhere!
Just thought I would share how nicely pregnancy takes over my body! These were taken five days before Elise was born on Ryan's birthday
Aww... I think you still look great when you are preggo and ready to burst :)
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to be "sponsored" together!!!